i'll set you free

s'up guys im back
yeah siang is back.
and he had just enjoyed a wonderful day with wonderful people.
really i wonder what the future holds for the bros now.
would we be gathering again like this in 10 years time?
wearing suits and ties and shouting vulgarities inside a lan?
wearing suits and ties to a barbeque and making extravagent toasts to friends, present or otherwise?

or would the schism begin, slowly but surely, with the bros tied down one by one due to either relationship commitments or other little nusience that snowballs and crushes the bond forged over the years?

wow, weesiang, you might be thinking, what HAS jc done to you to make you so cynical about life?

well, sad to say, i've been always a cynic from the start.Its just that i was in a proper enviroment whereby its suppressed and slowly, it was purged outta my system.

now, being cynical is what keeps me going. that sneer to my pathatic results, saying that its bullshit and the teachers are marking wrong.That im just fucking not good at maths. That my class Sucks mostly at maths too. tool... so yeah, although im bad, there are others that are worse. i gloat at other's misery. yeah, sad to say, everybody has to have at least a layer of emotional armour. that happens to be my last one,the ones before that kept me sane and going are nearly crumbling to shambles. and its a fuckin double edged sword. i dont even know how to behave with people anymore, and its unerving. im even starting to fall apart around my bros. ive lost that nice spark in me, i guess. i make no excuses for myself, oh no. i accept full responsibilty for whatever words that ejaculate from my mouth. yeah.

anyways, back to reality. BBBQ just happened today. it was the best. i repeat, the FUCKIN best barbeque i ever had. ever. in like, ever. did i just say ever? yeah ever.

and, yeah partly it was the food. but the biggest and best and oh so awesome factor that made the BBBQ such a success is the bros. yeah you tan, jos, mark, son, mos.

wow fuck. tears are nearly coming to my eyes now. such a stark contrast, i really hate this.

i guess, what im tryin to say, is that this sudden surge of happiness is just gonna get engulfed in what, a few weeks time, when the shit starts falling apart again.

i dunno how much more i can take man, my heart, if you can open my chest up magically now without the presence of the gore and stuff, would be so battered and bruised, i tellya, the only way to even get close to what im feeling is to to just fucking i dunno, dunk your heart into a vat of salt or something. yeah. so so so bitter.

and so, in the long, drawn out, suffering and jarring desert of two, maybe 3 years that is my jc life, suddenly little oasis pop out outta nowhere, and bam, you get things like BBBQ happening.

i just dont know what to say. one moment im in the caged depths of hell. the next, im lifted up to the highest heavens of europhia.

i guess, as you americans like to say, cut the crap, i would like to thank you bros.