a zoo.

i passed. and yet i failed. does that make any sense?
i passed my results. i failed at living. deep. no?
lemme re - phrase that.
i passed all my time and energy, caused pimples to break like mad, had major migranes after studying up till 9 hours at one go. yeah, and i passed. a 26 outta 50. a D, in JC terms.
And, i failed. why? i was so consumed by my studies, i let everything around me burn. i snapped at my mum and dad. i pissed off friends around me cause im in a constant bad mood. i freaking dont even know who i am anymore. after the promotionals today, i was so tired, i just stared straight, and i didnt know i was staring straight. i mean, fuck i dunno how to describe this feeling. and i was in a stupor all the way home. i bumped into things, i sat down on a seat in the bus THAT WAS TAKEN. im not even conscious of my actions, i nearly squeezed some chio-bu's boobs out of desire (believe me, i have a lot more self control than this usually).

a zoo it is. a zoo im living in. whereby performing earns you your next meal. earns you temporary love and words of affection, like a zookeeper to an animal.

to underperform means to go through physical hell.
to perform means to die inside and look alive on the outside.